I don't think I ever fully understood the reality of how much time just flies by after you have a baby. I cannot believe that right now I'm planning Emerson's first birthday. How has it been almost a year already?! It's amazing though how easily we settle into parenthood. I remember feeling like I wasn't sure I would ever feel at ease being a mom. When Emerson was just a tiny little thing, I was so scared of everything. Scared of failing, scared I'd make the wrong choices for him, scared I'd never settle into my new role comfortably. But as the months tick on by (feeling more like weeks), the fog just sort of lifts. I feel like this is a role I was meant to play. This is the purpose of my life.
Emerson's personality just shines brighter each day. Today he hesitantly attempted to stand on his own. Such a little thing, a tiny little move, him gently lifting his hand away from mine to steady himself. I didn't know if it was possible for your heart to swell with pride and break at the same time. But mine did. For sure, I felt both those things. An intense pain to stop time, and keep my little baby a baby for much longer, and also this pride of being a mommy to this amazing little soul. After he lifted that little hand, and had a fit of giggles and smiles because he was just so impressed with himself, he wobbled and fell down into my arms. All was right again. Back in my happy place with my baby folded in my arms with a huge smile on his face. I hope he knows I will always be there to catch him.